Meditation on Screen

The blank paper is facing me and I am facing the blank paper; of course, as I keep typing the blank is replaced by words and phrases which mean nothing more than their usual meaning. If you twist them a bit some serious thoughts might arise. On the other hand, what this twist might reveal no one can ever imagine; or is there anyone who can? I haven’t been writing for a long time; I was either not in good mood, and it often got tiring, after so many hours lost in imperatives and silly questions by customers who might as well dwell on for days and which unfortunately I had to tolerate (e.g. why does the report print Page 1 of 1, I don’t want it there – for God’s sake man, get a life), or those stupid arrangements that consider no one or no reason, but when you find the time to sit in front of the laptop with attitude and unrestrained spirit to share thoughts and feelings, the mind refuses to corporate.


If you close your eyes and be silent for a moment, meditate in the sense of just listening to your own thoughts, there seems to be a lack of cohesion. It more or less goes like this: damn, I have those trainings twice a week for another month, how am I supposed to handle it; what was that girls name, she was stunning in that skintight trousers, I thought I was going to lose myself when she got closer, while her strawberry fragrance run through my nostrils pumping my eyeballs in an instant (at this point an image from a movie or a football match may pop up); I don’t have much time to complete my essay, when am I supposed to do it when I keep running from errands to socializing to studying and sleep… I want a beer; actually I want a whole case of beers, maybe some pot as well…that club the other day was scary, from another world, full of touch-me-not blondes and tanned muscular archetypes that need two chairs instead of one or even half the couch…they had better sit, otherwise the place would spill people out of every corner; and so on.

This is so common I believe, that the mind has its own pace and rhythm. It’s like a steamrolling machine with its own self-developing intellect, like a transformer. It starts with a click and accelerates minute after minute, it learns and adapts, blending stimuli from its surrounding environment, gets confused for a few days and then is restored back to normal with the exception of a few understandings that may or may not have a true or perhaps a substantial meaning. I sometimes feel that I cannot control this stream of thoughts and ideas; at other times they’re just pushing themselves out, causing embarrassing moments, false impressions, perhaps some illusions (I just saw a shadow passing by), or delusions, fixating beliefs that everything is alright when they’re not. However, at times those thoughts roll like rock and roll; they are inspiring, crystal clear, effective, and so creative. That’s the time when you can see your potentials, a time of realization that you and me are nothing more than insects compare to everything that exists in this world and therefore, whatever is to be done, it has to be done now. This is the positive side, when exiguity (I found this word in the dictionary) hell bents (this one too) towards success and stimulates willingness to make something out of this life.

Boring, who told you those things? Why don’t you retreat and take vacations, become a farmer or the milkman. Have you ever noticed how talented are younger people? It’s as if you are trying to compete when you already know your bad results; because they are really gifted, not smarter but they do carry in their genes the knowledge of a new generation and the sum of advantages that comprised our evolutionary past. Surely, Descartes would think not before Darwin’s origins of life but we not think because we already know it.

So let’s get down to the bottom of this. What shall I have for dinner tonight? Or is this not a good question?

Hi mum, what are you planning on cooking tonight? Shall I come to Buenos Aires for dinner? Hey dad, how’s that grilled fish variety going on, can I have some? No, sister…well, I better send her a message! How about get a pizza…I had one two nights ago…how about souvlaki…that was yesterday’s lunch…maybe a burger…last night…how about cook something instead (what’s the easiest thing to cook?)…pasta of course…pasta, pasta and pasta; sure, I could boil some beans, white beans, green beans, red beans, snap beans, string beans or any other beans I can find in the dictionary. Don’t laugh, this is a serious matter!

Where are you my love, I’ve been waiting for you… ever since I broke up with you! Unfortunately, you never knew how to cook. It would not be compatible with contemporary ideas about cooking anyway!

Anyway, I’ll just make a tuna salad!

Good day and Good night!